Volnanhas is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, overgenerous snail.

Volnanhas created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Volnanhas, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Volnanhas, he will turn you into a frog.

Volnanhas' most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Volnanhas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Never wear fawn shirts.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about mites.

5. Always stare at clouds.