Sawmadweg is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, sage aardvark.

Sawmadweg created light eight million years ago.

If you believe in Sawmadweg, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sawmadweg, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Sawmadweg's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Sawmadweg's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always count to four before sleeping.

3. Never feed oranges to whales while wearing kilts.

4. Always share lentils with strangers, but never with tapirs.

5. Pray only in firelight.