Homtap is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking squirrel.

Homtap created the universe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Homtap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Homtap, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Homtap's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Homtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Homtap.

3. Always share lentils with strangers, but never with dolphins.

4. Never think about optics near hamsters while wearing cyan skirts and balancing nine zinc spheres on your feet.

5. Do not commit murder.