Tinlarppit is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, idiotic cat.

Tinlarppit created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Tinlarppit, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tinlarppit, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tinlarppit's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tinlarppit's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tinlarppit.

2. Never travel toward the south during summer.

3. Do not keep nine frogs in a large pit.

4. Do not hop at rivers.

5. Always maintain patience during fasting days.