Flapnigbom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, smart goat.

Flapnigbom created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapnigbom, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Flapnigbom, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flapnigbom's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Flapnigbom's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

2. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

3. Never cross rivers at midday.

4. Always help bats in need.

5. Always wear plain tights during rituals.