Ladzogfen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, narcissistic lion.

Ladzogfen created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ladzogfen, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ladzogfen, he will curse you with boils.

Ladzogfen's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Ladzogfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never wear gray shoes.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never look in ponds.