Hivyarpyak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, bad-tempered crab.

Hivyarpyak created dark energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivyarpyak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hivyarpyak, he will curse you with boils.

Hivyarpyak's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Hivyarpyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Always act with patience when addressing children.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

5. Do not prepare beans while wearing scarves.