Toflap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, amazing jackal.

Toflap created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Toflap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Toflap, he will turn you into a duck.

Toflap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Toflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss horizontal gene transfer in public assemblies.

2. Never cross rivers at dawn.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Always help seals in need.