Tarpfomgar is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, vain hydra.

Tarpfomgar created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpfomgar, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpfomgar, he will be mildly annoyed.

Tarpfomgar's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Tarpfomgar's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove shoes before entering holy places.

2. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

3. Never write about fluid mechanics.

4. Never allow pigs to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Hide if eight otters approach from the east.