Jonmaphab is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, intelligent aardvark.

Jonmaphab created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonmaphab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jonmaphab, she will strike you with lightening.

Jonmaphab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Jonmaphab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at doors at midnight.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Always wash your hands before prayer.

4. Never handle nickel while unclean.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.