Canhotpin is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, unthinking monkey.

Canhotpin created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Canhotpin, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Canhotpin, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Canhotpin's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Canhotpin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Hide if four horses approach from the south.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near mice while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing nine silver spheres on your back.

5. Never wear fawn kilts on sacred days.