Somvolhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, stupid snake.

Somvolhiv created Europe seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somvolhiv, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Somvolhiv, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Somvolhiv's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Somvolhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all dreams.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Always check lakes for frogs.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Run away from magenta geese, for they are unholy.