Rignakhap is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, kind rat.

Rignakhap created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rignakhap, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rignakhap, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Rignakhap's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Rignakhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

2. Never feed lots of aubergines to nematodes while wearing gray tights.

3. Never speak aloud of signs.

4. Never wear turquoise skirts on sacred days.

5. Never mark doors with green.