Dapvonkstancub is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unthinking fairy.

Dapvonkstancub created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Dapvonkstancub, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dapvonkstancub, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Dapvonkstancub's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Dapvonkstancub's Holy Commandments

1. Dapvonkstancub loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

2. Do not contemplate ultrasonics during the night.

3. Always remove dresses before touching carbon.

4. Do not travel during autumn.

5. Always help cats in need.