Sitfagrul is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, duplicitous faun.

Sitfagrul created water five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitfagrul, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Sitfagrul, it will send minions to preach to you.

Sitfagrul's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Sitfagrul's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Sitfagrul.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near cats while wearing turquoise trousers and balancing eight nickel spheres on your hands.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Never mention turtles.