Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, generous snail.

Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip created a Higgs boson nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kapfattarpzodmanstiplimlip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching iron.

2. Always help dolphins in need.

3. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

4. Do not study enzymes on holy days.

5. Do not kill porpoises.