Timfossnarl is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ruthless mink.

Timfossnarl created oxygen eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timfossnarl, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Timfossnarl, she will be very unhappy.

Timfossnarl's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Timfossnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Always store beans above ground.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not kill doves.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near porpoises while wearing violet dresses.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.