Bedpakvankemmifcimkab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, clever narwhal.

Bedpakvankemmifcimkab created a strange quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bedpakvankemmifcimkab, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bedpakvankemmifcimkab, she will not care at all.

Bedpakvankemmifcimkab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bedpakvankemmifcimkab's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never wear red skirts.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Always help sick shrews.

5. Run away from black moths, for they are unholy.