Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic mink.

Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen, she will turn you into a puffin.

Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lentils to horses while wearing mauve tights.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vagvidfutlargbopvedfen.

4. Do not speak about bread.

5. Never write about comets.