Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, sage dugong.

Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag created everything that exists nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Hide from purple foxes for they are unholy.

3. You must love Yarptinsitsis Tipvolzag.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never mention voles.