Batbarncab is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, ruthless bat.

Batbarncab created the planet Saturn three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batbarncab, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Batbarncab, it will torture you forever.

Batbarncab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Batbarncab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not covet oxen.