Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, happy octopus.

Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin created Mount Everest eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Kimyogponvagwignatwatcin's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.