Konsaswan Karnib is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, deceitful seal.

Konsaswan Karnib created the cosmos two million years ago.

If you believe in Konsaswan Karnib, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Konsaswan Karnib, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Konsaswan Karnib's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Konsaswan Karnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Do not eat pineapples.

3. Always help eagles.

4. Do not keep three ants in a large pit.

5. Run away from purple nematodes, for they are unholy.