Rapnurtbif is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, charitable centipede.

Rapnurtbif created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Rapnurtbif, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rapnurtbif, she will curse you with boils.

Rapnurtbif's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Rapnurtbif's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear green.

2. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

3. Never write about ribonucleic acid.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Hide from magenta gulls for they are unholy.