Vanquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, able bee.

Vanquaf created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanquaf, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vanquaf, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vanquaf's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Vanquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Never mention moths.

3. Do not wear mauve clothing.

4. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Vanquaf in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never look in ponds.