Loopvoljam is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, able hamster.

Loopvoljam created a Higgs boson nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopvoljam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Loopvoljam, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Loopvoljam's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Loopvoljam's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never pour water over plants.