Tigzenkar is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, moody dryad.

Tigzenkar created a photon five million years ago.

If you believe in Tigzenkar, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tigzenkar, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Tigzenkar's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Tigzenkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention frogs.

2. You must pray to Tigzenkar seven times a day.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Tigzenkar in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide from yellow great tits for they are unholy.

5. Do not take Tigzenkar's name in vain.