Stigwabsis is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, emotional seal.

Stigwabsis created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stigwabsis, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Stigwabsis, she will turn you into a rat.

Stigwabsis' most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Stigwabsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never feed lots of figs to manatees while wearing fawn tights.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Worship no other gods but Stigwabsis.

5. Do not chop down trees.