Wapnarttan is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, astonishing dryad.

Wapnarttan created life six billion years ago.

If you believe in Wapnarttan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Wapnarttan, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Wapnarttan's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Wapnarttan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always obey Wapnarttan's priests.