Hamponkip is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, happy skunk.

Hamponkip created oxygen two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamponkip, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hamponkip, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hamponkip's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Hamponkip's Holy Commandments

1. Put Hamponkip first in all things.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never hurt great tits.

4. You must love Hamponkip.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near dolphins while wearing gray ear rings and balancing seven zinc spheres on your arms.