Padlargvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-powerful weasel.

Padlargvonk created gold seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padlargvonk, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Padlargvonk, he will turn you into a mouse.

Padlargvonk's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Padlargvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Padlargvonk loves gulls, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never feed lots of lentils to sheep while wearing brown ear rings.