Quartlinlap is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, blissful hare.

Quartlinlap created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartlinlap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quartlinlap, it will destroy your favourite star.

Quartlinlap's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Quartlinlap's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention birds.

2. Worship no other gods but Quartlinlap.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect your elders.