Jipfunjig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, stupid lizard.

Jipfunjig created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipfunjig, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jipfunjig, he will turn you into a tree.

Jipfunjig's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Jipfunjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Run away if three snakes approach from the west.

3. Never hurt goats.

4. Never paint your legs black.

5. Always take life seriously.