Dobbatvab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, staggering wren.

Dobbatvab created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Dobbatvab, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dobbatvab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dobbatvab's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Dobbatvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark matter.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never feed gooseberries to goats while wearing coats.

4. Never wear indigo kilts.

5. Do not dye your hair black.