Fitpadyok is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, unjust slug.

Fitpadyok created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitpadyok, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fitpadyok, she will destroy your favourite star.

Fitpadyok's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Fitpadyok's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Pigs are not to be trusted.

3. Fitpadyok loves horses, so they must be honoured.

4. Never think about optics near aardvarks while wearing yellow trousers and balancing five zinc spheres on your feet.

5. Never look at planets.