Jadbopkabfon is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, narcissistic turtle.

Jadbopkabfon created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jadbopkabfon, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jadbopkabfon, it will ignore you.

Jadbopkabfon's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Jadbopkabfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never mention rats.

3. Dogs are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Always look after injured tortoises.