Hamzignat is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid newt.

Hamzignat created a top quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamzignat, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hamzignat, he will be very unhappy.

Hamzignat's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Hamzignat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine otters approach from the west.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never talk about geese.

4. Do not speak about coconuts.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.