Gemvabarm is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, self-assured lobster.

Gemvabarm created parasitic wasps eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gemvabarm, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gemvabarm, he will turn you into a snail.

Gemvabarm's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gemvabarm's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

2. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never hurt goats.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gemvabarm.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Gemvabarm in the centre of the settlement.