Haparfbom is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, temperamental lobster.

Haparfbom created the Large Magellanic Cloud four years ago.

If you believe in Haparfbom, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Haparfbom, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Haparfbom's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Haparfbom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.