Sanvoljin Joparffud is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, quiet tapir.

Sanvoljin Joparffud created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sanvoljin Joparffud, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Sanvoljin Joparffud, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Sanvoljin Joparffud's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Sanvoljin Joparffud's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never laugh in holy places.