Zimcepbog Dotyamced is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, temperamental dog.

Zimcepbog Dotyamced created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimcepbog Dotyamced, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zimcepbog Dotyamced, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Zimcepbog Dotyamced's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Zimcepbog Dotyamced's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.