Goncatkam is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, passionate capybara.

Goncatkam created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Goncatkam, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Goncatkam, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Goncatkam's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Goncatkam's Holy Commandments

1. Put Goncatkam first in all things.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

3. Run away if three gulls approach from the east.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Fast once a month.