Futmetgub is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unthinking cat.

Futmetgub created parasitic wasps three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futmetgub, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Futmetgub, he will turn you into a slug.

Futmetgub's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Futmetgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick voles.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Futmetgub on top of all buildings.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.