Tonkbuslarp is a god.

She takes the form of a small, egotistical walrus.

Tonkbuslarp created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkbuslarp, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tonkbuslarp, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Tonkbuslarp's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Tonkbuslarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about strawberries.

2. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

3. Never paint your feet yellow.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.