Hitfetsag is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, slow salamander.

Hitfetsag created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hitfetsag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hitfetsag, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hitfetsag's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Hitfetsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Erect three silicon sculptures of Hitfetsag on top of important buildings.

5. Do not eat peanuts.