Quatbadhig is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, idiotic raccoon.

Quatbadhig created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatbadhig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quatbadhig, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quatbadhig's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Quatbadhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat bark.