Yargamcar is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, unjust octopus.

Yargamcar created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yargamcar, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yargamcar, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Yargamcar's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Yargamcar's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear brown.

2. Never feed bananas to sheep while wearing indigo hats.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Erect eight tin sculptures of Yargamcar on top of important buildings.