Nurtnurlbass is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, dishonest weasel.

Nurtnurlbass created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtnurlbass, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nurtnurlbass, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Nurtnurlbass' most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nurtnurlbass' Holy Commandments

1. Nurtnurlbass loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

2. Always help goats in need.

3. Nurtnurlbass loves turtles, so they must be respected.

4. Always help shrews.

5. Hide if seven horses approach from the north.