Ortsadmon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, contented seal.

Ortsadmon created a Higgs boson two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortsadmon, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ortsadmon, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Ortsadmon's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Ortsadmon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.