Futlamjap is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, unselfish clam.

Futlamjap created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Futlamjap, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Futlamjap, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Futlamjap's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Futlamjap's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Always help manatees.

3. Put Futlamjap first in all things.

4. Never laugh in the presence of horses.

5. Never think about comets.